


"This is why we can't have nice things."

by Artemis_Dreamer



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Autobots - Freeform, Conjunx Endura, Decepticons - Freeform, Drabble, Humor, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Sexual Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:06:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8695942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Dreamer/pseuds/Artemis_Dreamer
Summary: Sometimes, "Prime" was a diagnosis.---In which Optimus is stubborn, Megatron is exasperated, and someone's going to end up dead.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set in a loose mashup of Transformers: Animated and Transformers: Prime. 
> 
> Definitely not canon compliant.

Sometimes, "Prime" was a diagnosis. The most prominent symptom? An academy-sanctioned stick lodged firmly up the aft. 

Optimus Prime was seemingly incapable of partaking in any form of indulgence, in even the most inane of vices - and it drove Megatron insane.

That Autobot slagger's processor was glitched enough to justify fragging the leader of the Decepticons, and yet couldn't justify anything remotely resembling fun.

A couple of cubes of high-grade? "An irresponsible waste of energon that flaunts wartime rationing."

(There goes a relaxing evening.)

Some bondage play? "An unacceptable use of military-grade stasis cuffs."

(There goes the make-up frag.)

One single slagging day off? "The Decepticon threat never rests, and neither should I."

Decepticon threat? The Decepticon threat would rest any time Megatron damn well wanted it to, and his troops would be glad for the vacation time.

(And there went the last remaining shred of his sanity.)

Megatron was a ruthless warlord who was very much accustomed to getting what he wanted. In his opinion, after spending countless millennia thwarting Starscream's schemes, disciplining the Trine, tolerating the boorish Constructicons, and generally herding the litter of hyperactive turbofoxes that passed for the Decepticon army... 

Well, he felt that he was more than entitled to a few pleasurable vices.

Optimus didn't share that opinion.

Megatron had to restrain himself from giving the young Prime a painful physical reminder of the fact that he was not a slagging Autobot, and therefore not beholden to the slagging Autobot Code. A code that could apparently be summarized as "don't enjoy anything, ever".

Optimus Prime was his worst enemy, his conjunx eterna, and the best frag that he'd ever had, all rolled into one gorgeous mech. 

A mech with a martyr complex and a righteous streak a mile wide. A mech so stubborn that it defied all logic. A mech that Megatron was going to end up choking the ever-loving spark out of one of these days, driven glitched by sheer exasperation.

The smart money was on "within the next vorn".

**Author's Note:**

> My first work in the Transformers fandom, and my triumphant return to the Archive after two slagging years. A lot has changed in two years, but my writing still sucks aft. 
> 
> Any and all feedback is appreciated.


End file.
